Thursday, February 3, 2011

the weight of a second glance

the weight i am symbolizes more than the first overlook,
the first holding,
just as the first glance of a person,
the first impression might seem bland or obvious
but under the obviousness is layers that weigh.
an object can have something more than the obviousness
but takes the time to really look.
do we do the same thing with people.
do we ever let people have that second glance...

intertwined minds

my minds intertwined
fog is in my eyes
things are on my mind
that won't pass by
decisions keep getting harder and harder
being deep is not me crying
5 years gone by
the time is running out
but it won't let me go
tears are still strumming down
like fingers against guitar strings

-torrey boucher

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Out of Reach

The emptiness inside me is uncontrollable.
the insecurities are something that are way too deep.
even if i told you everything, you wouldn't understand because we're way too weak.
the troubles intertwine with us. and i don't know if we can be untangled.
time is running out, the bells about to ring. the goosebumps on my skin, are starting to irritate me. my bodies shaking cause i have to let you go.
you look me in the eyes and say it's not over yet. the ringing in my ear won't quit, the puzzle pieces aren't fitting even though they have before. we have the instructions, but it's like its to a different game. opposites attract, and we are definitely the opposite. your cold and the body heat within me is untamable.
the honesty is there but the reality isn't, we're digging deeper, with no place to go.
we're too scared to make the final decision the silence is filling the space between us.
each thinking about it but for the other to say it.
time is passing, days going by not a word is said.
the hints on the walls are like in a different language.
we're yelling and yelling at the wall thinking thats going to help.
finally breakdown crying on the cold floor. you look at me i can feel the want, the love, the tension between us.
i just wanna break the glass. i wanna scream and tell you i need you but it's like im on mute.
i believe that you need me, love me but i've heard that many times.
so is it finally true. how i know your real is your reason are so specific.
you make my heart jump. i don't understand, i can't tell you this.
why do you have to be out of reach.

"Embracing Imperfection"

Imperfection:1. A fault, blemish, or undesirable feature.
2. The state of being faulty or incomplete

Perfection: Flawlessness
Flawless: without a flaw, shortcomings or defects.

I'm Torrey Boucher, and i'm not perfect. "i make mistakes" i second guess myself. i constantly stare at my body and wish it looked at something else. " you look at the scratch and fail to look at the diamond." i don't think i'm a good dancer and don't give myself enough credit. i have a scar on my face. and its never clear. i live through my journal of quotes. "imperfection is beauty,madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." i act confident in front of people when i'm really not. i downsize myself. i'm clumsy. my twitches at times. and i have really clammy hands.

why do girls constantly look at the negative of themselves. why can't we just be like this is me, if you don't like it then i'm sorry get over it. we constantly think we have to look perfect in front of guys and when you meet the perfect one you think its too good to be true and you automatically think it will end soon. why do we think we look better with makeup on and that guys are looking at every little flaw about us. it's RIDICULOUS! and we have to stop!
you know what for now on i'm CHASING imperfection. why do we want to be perfect so badly. if we were all perfect we would all be the same. why on earth would we all want to be the same. i couldn't be Torrey i'd be just like every girl in the crowd. why do we want that so badly? my boyfriend tells me all the time "torrey why do you constantly downsize yourself or crush your dreams" and i'm like cause i hate getting my hopes up cause i know im going to be disappointed in the end. THAT IS TERRIBLE. what am i thinking. i can't live life like that. and neither should anyone else who is reading this! it is time to change this. i am DONE.

you know what yeah i am imperfect and i'm happy! i love music and sports and i live to dance. i have an obnoxious laugh. and my legs are huge and muscle. sorry fellas if you don't like it, you can walk right past me, cause you obviously weren't worth my time. and that's ok. i have a boyfriend anyways! who is amazing, and makes me feel so special and that i actually mean something. and ladies when you meet that guy trust me you'll know! i've have TERRIBLE relationships in the past and they all have broken up with me. but hey you gotta make some wrong turns to know which one is the right one.

"i'm pretty but not beautiful. i sin but i'm not the devil. i'm good. but i'm not an angel."
" i myself am made up entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."
" the absence of a flaw in beauty is itself a flaw."

i am chasing imperfection.
i am embracing imperfection.
i am NOT perfect.
and i'm happy with that.
because that's what makes me, me.
torrey b.